I stayed in Peds with Rachel until I had to leave to make it home to relieve the babysitter. I left the hospital at 3:15 to get home to Jase and Becca. Joe was on his way to Rachel but he got stuck in traffic. At 4, as I walked in the door, I got a call that Rachel had been having a hard time breathing and maintaining sats so they coded her and the drs. vented her and moved her to PICU. I ran back to the hospital. I couldnt believe she was vented and sedated again. I thought I would throw up. They thought viral pneumonia. She never stopped breathing, just needed more help. They thought she would be off the vent quickly, but boy were they ever wrong. I never thought we would see this again. I was so worried about her being on a vent for gtube/nissan surgery. When we left the NICU, I thought we had passed the bad part. I thought the chance of losing either girl had passed, we were safe. When I got to the PICU and saw my baby laying there, vented, sedated, I lost it. I completely broke down. Thank God Joe was there. Still, we thought we would get through it. The next weeks were horrible. They had a crash cart in her room because she would go into cardiac arrest. It was worse than the NICU. Rachel did get better for awhile, but still very sick. She had the trach put in in Jan and we thought/hoped/prayed this would help. March 26 2005 it was all over. I hate March 26 but Oct 11 is even worse. It was the last day I saw my daughter awake, the last day I looked into her eyes and knew she saw me back.